newly sober: a guide to Dry January
~*~HAPPY 2023~*~
it’s the start of a new year, and that means people are trying !
! WE LOVE HOPE !
prior to sobriety, when my life was unmanageable and i felt completely powerless over marijuana and alcohol, i thought i was going to do Dry January in 2022. i couldn’t go more than two-three days without smoking, but i thought i would be able to knock it off for a whole month.
i had visions of going H A R D on New Years Eve , ringing in the new year in debaucherous style. instead, NYE 2021, i was 9 days sober in my parents’ house, everyone in my family had covid except me, and after watching the ball drop on my TV screen, i cried so hard that i threw up in my mouth.
disgusting? yeah. funny? absolutely.
well, now it is. at the time, not so much.
HOWEVER, after doing essentially 12 dry January’s in a row, i thought i’d be your Local Sober Guide and give ya tips and tricks to get through your month off the stuff (whatever stuff it may be).
GET READY FOR A NEWLY SOBER GUIDE TO DRY JANUARY !
i present:
Get Clear: I N T E N T
everyone can benefit from a break. time away from our vice teaches us a about ourselves— you don’t have to identify as an alcoholic or an addict to hit pause. however, it’s harder than you would think— illicit substances are everywhere, and when we choose not to drink or use, we lose a means of escape. SO! it’s important to get your head on right before you embark on this month-long venture.
prior to your start date, get clear and honest with yourself. ask yourself these questions:
What Am I Taking A Break From?
alcohol ?
everything? (yeah, i’m talking about the recreational stuff: adderall, weed, ketamine, psychedelics, cocaine, speed, meth/ whatever weird thing you’re snorting when no one is lookin’ )
& For How Long?
the whole month? Jan 1 -31? OR for as long as you can manage?
What Is My Overall Dry January Goal?
meditate and journal on your intentions—get in touch with your self and your intuition. take as much time as you need
PROMPTS: why am i taking a break? am i taking a break to feel better? healthier? or do i just feel like you overdid it? do i want to reset my mind and body or are am i curious about what life without substances is like?
BONUS QUESTION: is my relationship _____ problematic?
Find Allies: No Fair-Weather Friends !
whether this is a solo venture, a partnered endeavor, or a team-building project, find people who can commiserate with you and cheer you on.
the more secretive you are about taking a break, the less likely you’re going to follow through with this goal. when your buddy is all, “Wanna get a drink?” and you haven’t told anybody that you’re abstaining for a spell, you’re much more likely to say, FUCK IT because no one knows and why should i care? i’m fine! what’s one drink anyway?
don’t go to the barber asking for milk. the guy you snort coke with isn’t the guy to help you take a month off from it. we have friends and then we have friends. don’t enlist the buddy that you go to the club with— unless they’re on the same page as you.
if you don’t understand the difference between friends and friends, you may discover some uncomfortable truths about the people around you this month— that maybe they’re unable to support decisions that benefit your health. this is valuable information.
REMEMBER: this is a choice— no one is holding a gun to your head. but there is a reason you decided to do this. the holidays are no joke, they take a toll— physically, emotionally, spiritually— and maybe part of you recognizes that you don’t feel so good, that you’ve been overdoing it a smidge. there’s no shame in the game, we’ve all gone BALLS to the WALL, but now is a good time to get real with yourself: get honest. first, with yourself (STEP 1), and then with others (STEP 2).
Stock Your Fridge With Good Stuff
the compulsion to consume remains— stock your fridge with a bunch of fun, delicious things so you don’t feel trapped or sorry for yourself.
DRINKS: i find carbonation to be very satisfying— a sensation and refreshment. we love coffee. tea. caffeine is the main way to feel something— but of course, if you over do it you won’t sleep at night and you will feel crazy (but idk maybe that’s what you’re going for). this is a time to try anything that tickles your fancy— La Croix or Whole Milk or kombucha is going to cost way less than your Dom Perignon or Bacardi. don’t be afraid to get your juice on!
NON-ALCOHOLIC APERTIFS: okay, this is a new venture for me, but i’ve been doing research. Tawny Lara has more resources on this topic, but i recently tried De Soi, the non-alcoholic apertif peddled by pop-star Katy Perry, and you know what? it’ll do. most specifically Purple Lune— felt like drinking a floral perfume. get jiggy with it! have fun. why not? life is short.
FOOD: now that you’re not drinking your calories, you’re going to notice your hunger shift. are you more hungry or less? is your body getting the nutrients it needs? be curious about how your hunger changes. nourish your body: protein, natural fats, fruits, vegetables.
SUGAR: be open to the possibility of sugar cravings. i understand that most people who are doing Dry January want a Health Reset— but when it comes to any recalibration, it’s more important to be moderate rather than punish yourself. the more you villainize food, the more power it holds. so, if mint chip ice cream is tantalizing you? at least it ain’t booze! progress over perfection, baby!
when i first got sober, i didn’t crave sugar for six months— don’t know why. probably because when i got stoned i ordered cake to my door. without the weed, i didn’t crave sugar. however, for most people when they stop drinking or smoking, it’s the opposite.
You Might Miss It— You Might Even Feel Withdrawal
at first, you might feel like shit.
depending on how much you were consuming, even if you don’t identify as an addict or an alcoholic, you may experience physical withdrawal symptoms. if you have been using consistently for a long while, you’re going to feel it’s absence.
Prepare to feel: irritable, angry, sad, anxious. tired. your emotions will feel out of control and BIG. you may cry so hard you throw up in your mouth. your judgement may not be great, your sleep will be disrupted. this can last a few days or a few weeks.
if you have been drinking consistently every day for a long time, it might be worth it to assess whether you need assistance tapering off (Yes, I’m suggesting Detox) because alcohol withdrawal can lead to death (i’m not kidding). but the one that people don’t expect to withdrawal from is weed: if you smoke more than twice a week, You Will Feel Withdrawal Symptoms. THC takes 6 months to leave your system.
it will pass— it will get better
if you’ve been drinking for a long time, you will feel its absence— you miss it. some people think of booze as a good friend, a trusted ally. make space for these feelings, but also examine them: what does it mean to miss having liquid courage? what does it mean to miss being able to alter your feelings— to escape?
ask yourself these questions without judgement— look at these feelings with curiosity. it is all information to be examined without judgement.
for help with staying sober in social situations, refer to my previous guide, “staying sober at drunk events”
PURSUE NOVELTY: Entertain Yourself!
without hours blatto-ed, you’re going to realize how much time there really is in a day. get this— you may get bored.
combat boredom with novelty: fill your time with things that you have always wanted to try or used to like to do
whatever faint whisper you hear— that tiny little voice that says, “I wanna try that!” is the one to follow. your intuition is waking up, and now is the time to try something new.
suggestions include: take a walk around your neighborhood, sign up for a pottery class, start going to the gym again, get dinner with friends at your favorite restaurant or the one that just opened up. try Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, go to a stand up open mic or show, start knitting. go ice skating, learn tarot, or read a book. go for a run, rent a Karaoke room or buy a karaoke machine for your home, go to a spa.
what loved to do as a kid? plan a date with yourself and DO IT!
get in touch with your inner child! jump on a trampoline, make up songs, color, eat play-doe! PLAY!
PURSUE YOUR SPIRITUALITY! now that you’re not horking the stuff, you’re open to magic. which, of course, is antithetical to how some of these substances are peddled. contrary to popular belief, we don’t become more of ourselves when we use. truly— it is only once we put the sauce down that we open ourselves up to divinity, our inner knowing, and something greater than ourselves.
take yourself on a spiritual date: try meditation, go to a yoga class, go back to your religion from childhood, go to a 12 step meeting, visit a psychic— do whatever feels good and will connect you to your spirit and a power greater than yourself.
Expect to Feel It All— Especially The Stuff You Don’t Wanna
you might feel like shit. you might feel weird or awkward in social situations. you might remember things you don’t want to remember. and you might feel absolutely fine— but do know that when we consume substances, we are sublimating how we feel, whether or not that is our intention. and without the substance, things are going to come up: do not be alarmed, this is a gift. you wanted to take a break for a reason, and maybe it’s because you’re ready to address what you’ve been running from. it’s okay to hurt, it’s okay to laugh, and it’s okay to cry. allow yourself the dignity of feeling.
Get Support: Enlist Professionals
This goes back to #2, but takes it one step farther— if unearth something that feels too big for you alone, get help. whether it’s identifying that you want to study opera or that it’s time to go back to therapy, don’t be afraid to enlist the help of a professional with the dough you saved from not buying booze or drugs.
BetterHelp saved me for most of the pandemic. Don’t be afraid to find a virtual low-cost therapist if you’re in a pinch. local universities also offer reduced rates for their therapists in training. 12 step meetings are free (donation based, if you can and are willing). if you have insurance, go through your provider. if that task feels too back, enlist an ally (identified in #2). there is support out there, i have faith you will find it.
Slip-Ups Happen— Forgive Yourself Immediately
FORGIVE YOURSELF IMMEDIATELY.
i had a theater teacher in high school who told us, whenever we made a mistake during rehearsal, “Forgive yourself immediately.” this has always stayed with me because so often when we fuck up, we beat ourselves up about it, which makes us fuck up even more. if i dropped a line in the first scene, and i didn’t let it go, i fucked up even more.
in short: let it go, keep going.
presumably, this isn’t a life or death experiment (if it is, take #8 more seriously. meetings, rehab, etc— no shame in getting help. i did!). be gentle with yourself, and grant yourself the gift of a deep sleep and a new day. just because you slipped up one night doesn’t mean you have to give up the remaining 29. assess what happened— did you feel awkward in a social situation? was it peer pressure? was it to avoid feeling an unwanted emotion? were you tired of your body feeling weird? use that information and address it moving forward.
Take It 24 Hours At A Time !
with one foot in the future, and one foot in the past, you’re pissin’ on the present— BE HERE NOW !!!!
as we sober alcoholic and addicts do, take it 24 hours at a time, baby. day by day. you don’t have to do 31 days free of booze in the first 24 hours. i promise you, taking it hour by hour— minute by minute if you have to— will downsize your worry and make your life, overall, way more manageable.
after the initial shock to the system, you will SO good. the more time you stay off the stuff, the better you feel and the more you accomplish. increased energy, clear-headed, glowy skin— you’ll be amazing how good not ingesting poison feels!
the longer you do it, the better you feel.
DRINK WATER ! EAT THINGS THAT COME OUT OF THE GROUND! MOVE YOUR BODY! FEEL BETTER WITHOUT THE POISON!
WE CAN DO HARD THINGS!